Be Still, My Soul

For these past little while I have felt very unsettled.

Our house is off the market, which is good and bad. Good, because now when I clean the house I feel like I am cleaning it for my family, not for someone else. Good, because now I can make little changes to the house, and not feel like I am wasting money on something that the buyers might take down as soon they move in. Good, because at lease now I know where we will be living in six months. But, the very obvious bad, is that it didn't sell, and we are back at square one (which might turn out to be a good, but for right now I am unsure).

As hard as Scott is looking for another job, as many applications he sends in, and as much as we pray for guidance on this subject, Scott is still working at Tastee Treet. Don't get me wrong, Tastee Treet has been a huge blessing in our lives. It has kept us afloat while we are searching for something else. But, our family needs more. Scott needs something different.

And of course, there is the ever lingering question... when should we have another baby?

I know my Heavenly Father is aware of our little family, and our huge decisions. Some days though, I wish I could just have a little glimpse at the future, or maybe someone could just write down exactly which direction we should go to have things work out perfectly, just a little hint would greatly appreciated.

As I was sitting in Sacrament meeting this afternoon, singing a hymn with Scotty on my lap, holding Jane's hand as she tried to dash out of the pew, Scott leaned over and in his loving voice whispered to me, "Your amazing," pointing to the kids, "and your still singing!". I smiled. And then I cried. But I couldn't stop singing, the words of the hymn were lifting me;

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;

With patience bear the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change he faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: Thy best, they heav'nly Friend

Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake

To guide the future as he has the past.

Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;

All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know,

His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, loves purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

When Scott leaned over to tell me how amazing I was, and then while I, myself, was singing "With patience bear the cross of grief or pain... In every change he faithful will remain", it was as if I had been given a little boost from my best Heavenly Friend. At that moment, I couldn't help but feel of His love. That he knows exactly what our little family is going through. He knows the big decisions we are making and the changes that are coming our way. I know that if I can only still my soul, and be open to His guidance, that he will in fact guide me. And he will guide our family. I am so immensely grateful to a loving Father in Heaven, that helps me to feel of His love, and to my sweet husband, that tells me I am amazing. Who knows, maybe one day, with enough help, I will be.

I guess I don't need any glimpses into the future, or hints. The Lord will truly "guide the future as he has the past". What I really need is more hope and faith. Faith, not only for my "joyful end", but faith to make my journey joyful.